Author Topic: Jokes to make you groan.  (Read 13702 times)

Offline Morbier

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #285 on: September 05, 2022, 05:49:42 pm »
Congratulations on your 20,000th post!

As for the jokes ... 😶😶😶😶 !
I can't imagine a life without cheese. (Nigel Slater).  🧀
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Offline Cor Blimey

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #286 on: September 05, 2022, 05:58:50 pm »
Well Done Pyxis [ Guests cannot view attachments ]



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Offline Pixel

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #287 on: September 09, 2022, 08:08:46 pm »
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

I, the willing, led by the un-knowing, do the impossible for the ungrateful. I have done so much, for so long, with so little, that I am now qualified to do anything with nothing.

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Offline Pixel

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #288 on: September 13, 2022, 09:19:23 am »
"Dad, can you put my shoes on?"
 "No, I don't think they'll fit me."
I, the willing, led by the un-knowing, do the impossible for the ungrateful. I have done so much, for so long, with so little, that I am now qualified to do anything with nothing.

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Offline welshbooklady

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #289 on: September 20, 2022, 07:40:14 am »
What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?
One is disgusted by a rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM.
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Offline welshbooklady

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #290 on: September 26, 2022, 11:36:18 am »
I bought my daughter a refrigerator for her birthday
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
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Offline Pixel

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #291 on: September 28, 2022, 05:08:21 am »
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"

"In case they get a hole in one!"
I, the willing, led by the un-knowing, do the impossible for the ungrateful. I have done so much, for so long, with so little, that I am now qualified to do anything with nothing.

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Offline Pixel

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #292 on: September 28, 2022, 05:09:28 am »
"My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line."
I, the willing, led by the un-knowing, do the impossible for the ungrateful. I have done so much, for so long, with so little, that I am now qualified to do anything with nothing.

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Offline welshbooklady

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #293 on: September 28, 2022, 07:27:08 pm »
A lawyer goes to heaven
St Peter meets him at the pearly gates. The lawyer is impressed, but asks "Are you sure it is my time? I'm not that old?"

St Peter says "What do you mean? You're 86 years old."

The lawyer says "No I'm not...I'm only 58. Why do you think I'm 86?"

St Peter says "Well, we just added up all of the hours you've billed to your clients."
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Offline welshbooklady

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #294 on: October 04, 2022, 11:44:11 am »
Went to the doctor's with a heredity disease

Doctor said "what disease do you have?"

I said "diarrhoea"

He said "nothing to worry about, that's not heredity"

I said "well, it's in my Jeans"
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Offline Pixel

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #295 on: October 10, 2022, 04:28:26 pm »
What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim?
Alphawetical.
I, the willing, led by the un-knowing, do the impossible for the ungrateful. I have done so much, for so long, with so little, that I am now qualified to do anything with nothing.

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Offline welshbooklady

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #296 on: October 17, 2022, 10:03:45 am »
My grandfather swore by adding a spoonful of gunpowder to his tea every morning.
He said it was a very old remedy to help him live longer, and it worked: he lived to the ripe old age of ninety-seven.
He left a widow, two children, fourteen grandchildren and a fifty-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
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Offline Pixel

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #297 on: October 19, 2022, 09:38:31 am »
What do you do when your nose goes on strike?

Picket.
I, the willing, led by the un-knowing, do the impossible for the ungrateful. I have done so much, for so long, with so little, that I am now qualified to do anything with nothing.

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Offline welshbooklady

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #298 on: October 26, 2022, 09:36:55 am »
A man hires a blonde to paint his porch.
He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage.
About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she's finished.
"Wow" he says, "that was quick. Did you have enough paint?"
"Yup, enough for 2 coats!" she replies.
The man thanks and pays her. As she's leaving she turns around and says "By the way, it's not a porch. It's a Ferrari."
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Offline welshbooklady

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Re: Jokes to make you groan.
« Reply #299 on: October 26, 2022, 09:15:21 pm »
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm...
...and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry." John said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the skiing weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, "Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our skiing holiday about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Keith.
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes!" Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Keith's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"Well, she just died and left me everything."
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